It's the million dollar question: When are you having a baby? People have great intentions in asking it, but it's so awkward at the same time. Let me be clear from the start: I want to have kids. I hope I'll be able to someday. I'm excited for those I know who have kiddos, or are pregnant or trying. And if I'm honest, there are times when my heart swells with the thought of being a mommy. There are times when I snuggle a sweet newborn and totally think I could be ready to give it a go. But then there are moments when I stop and really think about what having one of our own would mean. And if I'm honest? There are things that scare the heck out of me. Though I know I'll be ready at some point, here are nine reasons I'm not ready (and am a little afraid) to have a baby right now.
And while I'm admitting these fears to you, they are not deal breakers for me. Though I'm not a momma yet, and don't plan to be for a little while longer, I trust in a plan much greater than my own: and that is what gives me hope and peace in the midst of fears. I recognize that these fears may not go away, even when I'm "baby ready". I trust in God's perfect timing. I trust that the nine months of pregnancy will give me time to feel confident about having a baby someday. I know that all my fears will be worth it in the end. So very worth it.
Currently,
Kelsie
1. The Loss of Our Carefree Lifestyle
The biggest thing that scares me about having a baby right now is just the fact that it changes everything. Everything. I know the change will be good, just different. I've gotten use to our "normal", and really like my sleep. We have literally nothing (no plants, no dogs) to keep alive right now other than ourselves, so going out to eat late, sleeping in late, or going on spontaneous trips isn't unheard of. I've just really enjoyed our almost-three years of carefree young married life, and I'm scared to give it up.2. The Shift in Our Marriage
Just when I think I'm doing okay at this wifey thing, let's go ahead and throw a baby into the mix. I know it will be oh so worth it someday, but it makes me a little nervous to think about the shift that will take place in our marriage- the stress that will be added from a little one and sleepless nights, and the things that will have to change. I worry that our treasured date nights will be hard to come by, or maybe we won't have energy for the same things we enjoy doing together now.3. The Fear of Labor and Delivery
I don't have a fabulous history with anything health, hospital, or blood-related, so my nerves in this area are very justifiable. I know that I'll suck it up and do what I have to in order to have a happy, healthy baby when the time comes. But for now, every time I get my finger pricked I have to give myself a pep talk about not getting dizzy. If you'd like to start praying for me in this area now (pre-baby readiness) that would be great. It's also scary to think about how the baby has to come out of me at some point...though I do think that if women constantly do it more than one time than, surely I can do it too, right?4. The Shift in My Identity and Body
I struggled a lot in college with my weight and body image. Just when I've reached a point where I'm confident in a healthy, strong body and I'm decently okay with my own appearance- let's go ahead and change everything with a pregnancy. Although I know my sweet hubby will always think I'm beautiful, I'm scared about gaining weight, shifting it around, and trying to take it back off. I'm afraid that my valued and treasured workout time will go by the wayside, and that I'll lose a little piece of myself and who I am.5. The Shift in Our Ministry
YoungLife ministry has been such a huge, huge part of my life and our marriage. I'm scared to think about giving up that time in order to make time for a baby. It makes me sad to think about throwing in the towel on something that has arguably been our "baby" from the start. But I also don't know how we could be involved at the same level that we are right now...especially with an infant. I know that the Lord has a huge plan in this, and that He will reveal it to us when the time comes, but I still struggle with knowing that the ministry that gives eternal purpose to our teaching jobs would have to become a lesser focus.6. The Fear of Fertility Problems
I know some couples that sneeze and get pregnant, and I know others where it takes years. I'm sometimes afraid that it will take a really long time, or that I won't ever be able to get pregnant. I'm scared of having to answer the "When are you having a baby?" question if we'd been trying for months and months with no success. If that was the case, I know it would be part of God's plan, and that He would use me in others ways that He sees fit. I do feel called to have kids though, so it scares me to think about the heartache of not being able to get pregnant, or the pain of miscarriage (with is much more common than people think).7. The Loss of Travel Freedom
Okay, this one's totally selfish, I know. If you've been around for a while, you know that Aaron and I have huge hearts for travel and that we've been adventuring around the world and the US together since the day we said "I do." While travel doesn't have to be over forever with kids, I do recognize that it will be much harder to do an overseas 16 day adventure or see the world on crazy road trips where you stay in different hotels each night. It makes me excited to think about taking kiddos along to see the world some day, but there is a bit of travel freedom that will have to go, at least for a while.8. The Fear That Something Will Go Wrong with the Baby
Assuming I can get pregnant and carry a child to term, there's that fear buried deep within my mind that something could go wrong with the baby. I know that, no matter what, my child would be beautiful and loved in my eyes. That we would do whatever we had to. But I know myself, and it makes me nervous to think about all of the bajillion things that could go wrong with a little one (especially over the course of their life and infancy). But I know that's no way to live life, so I talk about this fear now in order to help myself process and find peace here, long before a baby is actually on the way.9. The Fear of Raising a Child in This World
As a high school teacher, I can tell you with the utmost confidence: this world is changing....and I'm not sure it's for the better. I spend my days with kids who are dealing with so much more than we dealt with when we were growing up. The world is more broken than ever, and filled with so much sadness, violence, heartache, and filth that it just hurts me to think about helping a kid navigate through life. Sometimes it's downright scary to think about bringing a kid into this world. But then I remember the call to be a light in the darkness, and to go and make disciples: and it's pretty cool to think about the way the Lord could use our kids to further his kingdom. And it will be such a joy to watch that someday.Why I'm Sharing this in a Real and Vulnerable Way:
It's not to talk me or anyone else out of having a kid. On the contrary, it's to help me and others who feel the same to realize that being afraid isn't something to hide; that it's okay, and something that can be talked about. Admitting our fears helps us process these things, and acknowledge what will change. It helps us appreciate and enjoy the season we are in right now. It helps us recognize the struggle and heartache of the women around us whose heart may fall every time they're asked the "baby" question: forced to answer while they hide and wrestle with miscarriages or fertility struggles. While there is definitely a time and place for protecting our hearts from oversharing with just anyone, it is my hope that my vulnerability will empower other women of all ages to support and encourage each other within meaningful friendships, to be real about what motherhood or other areas of fear look like, and to share how they've met these fears head on. To be sincere and authentic.And while I'm admitting these fears to you, they are not deal breakers for me. Though I'm not a momma yet, and don't plan to be for a little while longer, I trust in a plan much greater than my own: and that is what gives me hope and peace in the midst of fears. I recognize that these fears may not go away, even when I'm "baby ready". I trust in God's perfect timing. I trust that the nine months of pregnancy will give me time to feel confident about having a baby someday. I know that all my fears will be worth it in the end. So very worth it.
Currently,
Kelsie
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Here's a fun little update for you! In June of 2016 (not quite four months after this post, I got pregnant! Eli joined us on February 23rd, 2017. If you're wondering about my heart change and journey between this post and being ready for pregnancy, check out How I Knew I Was Ready for a Baby. I also wrote a reflection on how all of these fears actually turned out and what being a mom is really like. Check it out!
Here's a fun little update for you! In June of 2016 (not quite four months after this post, I got pregnant! Eli joined us on February 23rd, 2017. If you're wondering about my heart change and journey between this post and being ready for pregnancy, check out How I Knew I Was Ready for a Baby. I also wrote a reflection on how all of these fears actually turned out and what being a mom is really like. Check it out!