Thursday, March 22, 2018

What I'm Clinging To

Every day when I get home from work, Eli throws his hands up in glee, wraps his arms around me with all that he has, and pulls me in tight with his chubby little fingers. He quite literally clings to me with all that he has, and is none too happy if I set him down for a minute in order to do anything else but hold him close. He's generally super easygoing with just about anyone holding him, but there are times that a boy just wants his mama. And really, I love that he clings to me in those moments.

Over the last few months, I've really felt like the Lord has been calling me to do two things, basically in opposition: to cling and to hold loosely. To cling to things that matter, and to hold loosely those that don't. In a world like ours, it is so stinkin' easy to get too "clingy" to the temporary: approval on social media, money, appearances, and more. That's not to say that our goals and dreams in life aren't important, but rather that if we let them become our everything, or put too much weight into them, we can lose sight of what really matters. In the grand scheme of life, should I really be worried about my Instagram followers, finding a gray hair, or the extra savings in my bank account? Those things are nice, but not necessary (especially that dang gray hair).

I've heard more and more the silent whisper of the Savior telling me to hold loosely to things of this world. And that's confusing sometimes. I've checked all the boxes: graduated college, married an incredible man I don't deserve, landed a great job, bought a cute house, had an even cuter baby. Life is good and I am blessed. But I'm also living in moments of "What's next?" and "Do I just continue on this same path forever?" And it's comfortable. And it's simple. And yet, I hear the whisper: "Your plans? Hold them loosely. Your savings? Hold it loosely. Your well thought out life plan? Hold it loosely, Kels. You have no idea what all I have in store."

And little by little, I get glimpses into the potential of His plans. I worry less about having the best decorated house or the cleanest car or being the best supermom. I worry less about staying up on the latest trends and having the laundry done every single night. I hold loosely to the control that I so desperately want, since the fact of the matter is that I'll never really have it and it's exhausting to try to deny that.

And then, I cling. Just like Eli, I cling with all that I have to the one who knows infinitely more than I know (or will ever know, for that matter). I don't always understand the Lord's plans, but I know that they are good. I cling to His promises. I cling to His truths. I cling to the fact that His plans are to help me and not to harm me, and that I can trust them, even if His path for me takes an unexpected, confusing turn every now and then. And in those moments when they do turn unexpectedly, I cling even tighter.

"Do not store up treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV).



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