I first met Sarah when she started attending our church a few years ago. I immediately noticed her kind heart, great sense of humor, and genuine care for others around her. It has been so much fun getting to know her better as we've spent more time together at various events and Sunday School classes. She has recently embarked on an incredible journey, one that involves a struggle for many women, and she's sharing more about that in today's moment. I appreciate her honesty and her willingness to share her story. Check it out!
Photo: Lacey Rene Studios |
The first time I remember being aware of my weight being an issue was fifth grade. A boy in my class made a comment about my size, and I started feeling uncomfortable with myself. Being 10 and developing early is tough enough, but having people point out insecurities you didn’t know you had is heart wrenching. I guess that was my first fat-shaming experience!
It’s been nearly two decades since that day, and my weight has fluctuated up and down and all over the place. I’ve been on nearly every diet you could think of doing.
The first diet plan I went on was the Richard Simmons Food Mover. It had little windows with pictures of food on it that you would close throughout the day.
The Richard Simmons Food Mover! Not only a dieting tool, but a toy for an awkward fifth grader who developed way too early. |
Jenny Craig? Yep, and they have some good food! I lost about 50 pounds between 9th and 10th grade on it, and came back to school feeling really good about myself – I looked good, too. Unfortunately for me, a girl who didn’t like me because I dated a guy she liked the year before decided to say within earshot of me, “She should have stayed on Jenny Craig.” High school is tough enough, people!
I think I looked pretty good at 15! I'm in the middle here, prior to being told I should have stayed on Jenny Craig. |
Soon after the Dr. Tague experience, I was incredibly frustrated with how hard it was for me to lose weight. A coworker suggested I go see her primary care doctor, since mine at that time was pretty useless. I went to see Dr. Amy Brose, and after some discussion, she decided to do some blood work. After the results came back, she diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian syndrome. It’s a hormonal endocrine disorder that affects 1 in 4 women. It increases the risk of a lot of health issues, many of which Nicole Arbour listed in her video as being part of what being plus size means (diabetes, heart disease, etc.). Not all women who have PCOS experience weight gain, but I was one of the ones who experienced that.
Now, I’m not going to say that PCOS is totally to blame for my weight issues. I certainly have eaten way too much Ben and Jerry’s in my lifetime, and I should probably have spent more time at the gym. But I can tell you that for every five pounds someone without PCOS loses, it seems like I lose half a pound. Not only I am overweight to begin with, I have to bust my butt harder in the gym and resist temptation even more! Unfair, right?
Wrong. It’s not unfair. It’s just the hand I’ve been dealt, and it’s something I need to overcome. Over on my blog, I quoted my pastor Ritchey Cable when he said, “The amount of physical and emotional pain and suffering you experience because of a decision is no barometer of whether you’re being obedient to God.”
This spoke to me for several reasons, the main being that I cannot stay comfortable if I want to follow Christ wholeheartedly. I believe God is using me to speak to people who are struggling with their weight as I go on a journey of my own.
Photo: Lacey Rene Studios |
It’s going pretty well so far, but it’s hard when only you notice the weight you’re losing. I sometimes want to just snap my fingers and be at my goal weight, but I know it’s going to take hard work and a lot of frustration.
The message I have for Nicole Arbour is that many of us who are overweight desperately try to reach our goals, but like anything worth doing, it’s a difficult journey. Do I make some bad choices Absolutely. But so does everyone else. Mine just happens to have a physical manifestation that allows people to judge me and make assumptions about my lifestyle.
I haven't always been the most faithful Christian. I've struggled, and I've created a lot of idols in my life, and I think food and my weight are two of them. There is one truth to Nicole Arbour's video- she said, "You've got one body, one, and it has to last you until the end." She's right, I only have one earthly body, and that body is a temple for the Holy Spirit. I do need to take care of myself, because I am an image-bearer of God. Leaning on Christ through this journey is already showing me that I don't need to make my weight loss the center of my life. If I make sure Christ is there, then everything else should fall into place.
The amount of support I’ve been given by friends and family has been overwhelming. I was so honored when Kelsie offered for me to write for Currently Kelsie, and I hope to write again when I reach my goals. I will probably have lots more to say!
Gaining and losing is such a struggle and focus for so many women, including myself. I love Sarah's point that we can't make weight loss the center of our lives- that's the place that should be reserved for Christ alone. Follow Sarah's journey on her blog, sarahbeeblog.com, or connect with her on Facebook.
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Currently, Kelsie
Great post. The last couple years of my life I suffered from depression and then instead of shopping, I ate and gained weight. Now I am struggling to make friends with the gym and cut back on all the snacks and sugar I love. Its definitely a constant struggle.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, this is a constant struggle for pretty much all women. It really takes a change in lifestyle. I love Sarah's heart and desire to make this change!
DeleteDepression is something I have also struggled with, and something I should probably share more about. My pastor has made it very clear that we shouldn't hide things we're struggling with from those who love us, because that makes it all the harder to overcome those problems. I wish you the best of luck!
DeleteYour story is inspiring! Good luck on your journey!
ReplyDeleteHer story is definitely so inspiring. Looking forward to having her share again in the future!
DeleteThanks Emilie!
DeleteThanks for sharing so vulnerably, Sarah. It's a tough issue for many people and to have someone shaming you on top of the struggle is so cruel. But insecurity tends to seek a target to destroy like a heat guided missile! I do hope that Kelsie shares more of your story here. I think we need more women like you who are willing to talk about this very uncomfortable but so very prevalent and relevant topic.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Beth! Society is cruel for sure. I totally agree- thankful for Sarah and her willingness to share about something so hard. It's super relevant for sure!
DeleteThank you so much! It has been a struggle to actually talk about it for me; however, the response I have gotten from friends, family and strangers has been overwhelmingly positive.
DeleteGirl, you are beautiful inside and out!
ReplyDeleteI'm a fellow PCOS survivor. I was super skinnny all through my childhood, but once 22 hit, PCOS came right along with it. It was a bit of a shock for me to go from eating whatever I wanted to literally gaining 3 pounds every time I eat a cookie. It sucks. It really sucks. Add infertility to the mix and PCOS is a one-way ticket to Sorry-for-Myself-Ville.
It took me a while to realize that my identity isn't shaped by my dress size or by my infertility or by those lovely little chin hairs, but instead by the One who made me! =)
Thank you so much for your kind words! It DEFINITELY sucks, but this experience has been a huge influence on my faith as well. I'm actually starting a Saturday series on my blog called Soul Cyster Saturday where PCOS ladies write about their experiences - would you want to be a contributor sometime?
DeleteThank you for sharing this, Sarah! I love your honesty and your bravery in sharing something so personal. I can't wait to read your next Moment!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Abby. :-)
DeleteThis is so great! Sarah, I love how you delve into the ways that our body image is so deeply tied to our hearts and our faith. It's almost never just an issue of needing to DO something more (although like you said that's obviously important!). I'm so glad you're finding hope both in Jesus and in finding a healthy, balanced plan that works for you!
ReplyDeleteAnd on a random note...that's so cool they have that at Hyvee! I had no idea! Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability, Sarah!
Thanks for reading, Lauren! I had no idea Hyvee was so cool either :) Sarah is really focused on the Lord in this journey, and I love her heart and honesty!
DeleteSarah, thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm still in shock about that girl's comment about you in high school! My jaw literally dropped. Ugh, mean girls!!!
ReplyDeleteI was hesitant to watch that video by Nicole, but because I kept seeing it in my Facebook and BuzzFeed newsfeeds, I decided to check out what all the fuss was about. Girrrrl, I shook my head as I watched and listened to what she was saying. SMH…
Anyhow, I applaud you for your courage to share your story about your weight journey. You seem like a beautiful person to know, and I admire your faith in God. :) Totes looking forward to your next moment as well!
Thank you so much for your thoughts, and I definitely shook my head as well during her video! :-) I can't wait to share my next moment!
DeleteI can't wait for it either :)
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