Monday, February 29, 2016

Nine Reasons I'm Afraid to Have a Baby

It's the million dollar question: When are you having a baby? People have great intentions in asking it, but it's so awkward at the same time. Let me be clear from the start: I want to have kids. I hope I'll be able to someday. I'm excited for those I know who have kiddos, or are pregnant or trying. And if I'm honest, there are times when my heart swells with the thought of being a mommy. There are times when I snuggle a sweet newborn and totally think I could be ready to give it a go. But then there are moments when I stop and really think about what having one of our own would mean. And if I'm honest? There are things that scare the heck out of me. Though I know I'll be ready at some point, here are nine reasons I'm not ready (and am a little afraid) to have a baby right now.

Nine Reasons I'm Afraid to Have a Baby

1. The Loss of Our Carefree Lifestyle 

The biggest thing that scares me about having a baby right now is just the fact that it changes everything. Everything. I know the change will be good, just different. I've gotten use to our "normal", and really like my sleep. We have literally nothing (no plants, no dogs) to keep alive right now other than ourselves, so going out to eat late, sleeping in late, or going on spontaneous trips isn't unheard of. I've just really enjoyed our almost-three years of carefree young married life, and I'm scared to give it up.

2. The Shift in Our Marriage

Just when I think I'm doing okay at this wifey thing, let's go ahead and throw a baby into the mix. I know it will be oh so worth it someday, but it makes me a little nervous to think about the shift that will take place in our marriage- the stress that will be added from a little one and sleepless nights, and the things that will have to change. I worry that our treasured date nights will be hard to come by, or maybe we won't have energy for the same things we enjoy doing together now.

3. The Fear of Labor and Delivery

I don't have a fabulous history with anything health, hospital, or blood-related, so my nerves in this area are very justifiable. I know that I'll suck it up and do what I have to in order to have a happy, healthy baby when the time comes. But for now, every time I get my finger pricked I have to give myself a pep talk about not getting dizzy. If you'd like to start praying for me in this area now (pre-baby readiness) that would be great. It's also scary to think about how the baby has to come out of me at some point...though I do think that if women constantly do it more than one time than, surely I can do it too, right?

4. The Shift in My Identity and Body

I struggled a lot in college with my weight and body image. Just when I've reached a point where I'm confident in a healthy, strong body and I'm decently okay with my own appearance- let's go ahead and change everything with a pregnancy. Although I know my sweet hubby will always think I'm beautiful, I'm scared about gaining weight, shifting it around, and trying to take it back off. I'm afraid that my valued and treasured workout time will go by the wayside, and that I'll lose a little piece of myself and who I am.

5. The Shift in Our Ministry

YoungLife ministry has been such a huge, huge part of my life and our marriage. I'm scared to think about giving up that time in order to make time for a baby. It makes me sad to think about throwing in the towel on something that has arguably been our "baby" from the start. But I also don't know how we could be involved at the same level that we are right now...especially with an infant. I know that the Lord has a huge plan in this, and that He will reveal it to us when the time comes, but I still struggle with knowing that the ministry that gives eternal purpose to our teaching jobs would have to become a lesser focus.

6. The Fear of Fertility Problems

I know some couples that sneeze and get pregnant, and I know others where it takes years. I'm sometimes afraid that it will take a really long time, or that I won't ever be able to get pregnant. I'm scared of having to answer the "When are you having a baby?" question if we'd been trying for months and months with no success. If that was the case, I know it would be part of God's plan, and that He would use me in others ways that He sees fit. I do feel called to have kids though, so it scares me to think about the heartache of not being able to get pregnant, or the pain of miscarriage (with is much more common than people think).

7. The Loss of Travel Freedom

Okay, this one's totally selfish, I know. If you've been around for a while, you know that Aaron and I have huge hearts for travel and that we've been adventuring around the world and the US together since the day we said "I do." While travel doesn't have to be over forever with kids, I do recognize that it will be much harder to do an overseas 16 day adventure or see the world on crazy road trips where you stay in different hotels each night. It makes me excited to think about taking kiddos along to see the world some day, but there is a bit of travel freedom that will have to go, at least for a while.

8. The Fear That Something Will Go Wrong with the Baby 

Assuming I can get pregnant and carry a child to term, there's that fear buried deep within my mind that something could go wrong with the baby. I know that, no matter what, my child would be beautiful and loved in my eyes. That we would do whatever we had to. But I know myself, and it makes me nervous to think about all of the bajillion things that could go wrong with a little one (especially over the course of their life and infancy). But I know that's no way to live life, so I talk about this fear now in order to help myself process and find peace here, long before a baby is actually on the way.

9. The Fear of Raising a Child in This World 

As a high school teacher, I can tell you with the utmost confidence: this world is changing....and I'm not sure it's for the better. I spend my days with kids who are dealing with so much more than we dealt with when we were growing up. The world is more broken than ever, and filled with so much sadness, violence, heartache, and filth that it just hurts me to think about helping a kid navigate through life. Sometimes it's downright scary to think about bringing a kid into this world. But then I remember the call to be a light in the darkness, and to go and make disciples: and it's pretty cool to think about the way the Lord could use our kids to further his kingdom. And it will be such a joy to watch that someday.

Why I'm Sharing this in a Real and Vulnerable Way:

 It's not to talk me or anyone else out of having a kid. On the contrary, it's to help me and others who feel the same to realize that being afraid isn't something to hide; that it's okay, and something that can be talked about. Admitting our fears helps us process these things, and acknowledge what will change. It helps us appreciate and enjoy the season we are in right now. It helps us recognize the struggle and heartache of the women around us whose heart may fall every time they're asked the "baby" question: forced to answer while they hide and wrestle with miscarriages or fertility struggles. While there is definitely a time and place for protecting our hearts from oversharing with just anyone, it is my hope that my vulnerability will empower other women of all ages to support and encourage each other within meaningful friendships, to be real about what motherhood or other areas of fear look like, and to share how they've met these fears head on. To be sincere and authentic.


And while I'm admitting these fears to you, they are not deal breakers for me. Though I'm not a momma yet, and don't plan to be for a little while longer, I trust in a plan much greater than my own: and that is what gives me hope and peace in the midst of fears. I recognize that these fears may not go away, even when I'm "baby ready". I trust in God's perfect timing. I trust that the nine months of pregnancy will give me time to feel confident about having a baby someday. I know that all my fears will be worth it in the end. So very worth it.

Currently,
Kelsie

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 

Here's a fun little update for you! In June of 2016 (not quite four months after this post, I got pregnant! Eli joined us on February 23rd, 2017. If you're wondering about my heart change and journey between this post and being ready for pregnancy, check out How I Knew I Was Ready for a Baby. I also wrote a reflection on how all of these fears actually turned out and what being a mom is really like. Check it out!

156 comments:

  1. All valid reasons. The idea of having a baby terrifies me. I'm 19 years old and I keep seeing people I graduated high school with getting ready for children and I'm like eek I couldn't even imagine that life for myself right now.

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    1. I can't imagine myself as a mother at 19 either, so I totally get it. Different people are ready at different stages though. I'm sure we will know when we are ready someday!

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    2. This is ME right now. I hope I get over this fear!

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    3. I feel like I'm in a really similar situation. We've been married for 2 years now and don't have kids. We are planning on it soon, but what really worries me is having even less time with my husband. I feel like we hardly spend time together as it is. I want us to have at least one date night a week, even if we don't go anywhere but just spend quality time together. But my husband has an attitude of "we'lol do that when we have more time and money." It's extremely frustrating. Do you have any advice about this?

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  2. I, too, feel terrified to someday have a baby, for many of these same reasons. Thanks for sharing this honest and vulnerable post. You're not alone!

    Floradise

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    1. Thanks so much for that, Marette! I have found a lot of women who have commented or messaged me privately have said that they are in the same boat. Thanks for reading and for your words of encouragement!

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  3. This just shows that when you are ready - you will be a GREAT mama. I had mine young, my first at 21 and my second at 23 (married at 19) - BUT I had always wanted this lifestyle. My dream was to become a young mom, it wasn't to travel or have a career (as bad as that sounds). But, like you I had some of the same fears. Like I said, this just shows when it's your time- you will be a great mom. :)

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    1. Oh MaeRyan, you're so wonderful! Thanks for that. I only hope I can be half the mama you are someday! Your family is so precious, and you are so right- some people are totally dreaming of being a mom, and maybe don't worry about traveling or working. Everyone is different for sure. It feels good to know that moms shared the same fears, and that they don't have to all be "gone" before I'm ready for kiddos. Thanks again!

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  4. I am with you on waiting for children - some people want to do it right away, and more power to them - but I am not one of them! I used to think I'd be married at 22, with kids by 25. Um what the heck??

    Fertility issues are REAL and oh so scary. On of my very best friends struggled with a miscarriage and fertility issues following losing her baby and seeing the pain and sadness she went through was heartbreaking. (Side note: she is now expecting a baby boy in June. Praise Jesus!)

    As you said, I don't think people are being intentionally rude or intrusive when asking about future children, I think it's just a natural thing people are curious about - but it starts to get old! Especially when you're part of a couple who plans on waiting 3-5 years to have children.

    Go you for broaching a normally "taboo" subject! Perhaps I'll write my own feelings down as well.

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    1. Ha! I totally also thought I would be married at like 21. I'm with you on fertility issues, we have seen some people who have had a lot of heartbreak in this area. So fun that your friend is expecting!!

      I totally think that people have great intentions, but don't realize what the person on the other end of their question may be thinking or experiencing! Thanks so very much for your words of encouragement. It took a little bit of guts on my end, but I've found it so freeing. You should write your feelings for sure!

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  5. I sooooo get you. Those are pretty much all my fears too.

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    1. Amen to that, sister! I think there are lots of us out there who seem to be feeling the same thing. I've had a lot of people contact me today, and it's cool to see that we aren't alone!

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  6. All of these fear are 100% justifiable, but when your life changes from young married life to parenthood it isn't something you'll look back and regret doing. Yes you are closing the door on a wonderful life, but you are opening the door to another different wonderful life. I had my daughter at 20 years old and I won't say I never felt a teensy bit of jealousy at some of my friends freedoms, but I wouldn't trade this life for anything!

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    1. This is so encouraging. I can't say I've seen it from the other side, but it seems to be the case. I think once we reach this point, we won't regret it. Joy in a new way! Thanks for reading!

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  7. It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this! I can't argue with anything you said. Babies do change your life, and yes, there will be some level of pain and heartbreak in birthing and raising them. But I can tell you from experience that just having that baby placed in your arms will grow you up, and though you may miss some things at times, a lot of these fears won't really matter anymore. Motherhood is one of the truly real ways you can leave your mark on this world, and that is exciting and terrifying in the most beautiful way possible.

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    1. I was talking with my hubby about this tonight. I'm sure that exact moment will make it all worth it, and that I probably won't look back at all. I'm excited and terrified about being a mom at the same time, and I so appreciate the words of wisdom you're sharing here!

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  8. This is such a great, honest and real post. I really think most women before they have kids feel some if not all of these worries. And I can't say they all went away before I actually had a child, but I started to feel less worry and more ready. Then there's just new worries you develop as a mom! The worrying never ends!

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    1. Thank you so much! I think that's exactly what I'll be like. Even just in writing this post and reading your all's comments, I've felt so much better about the idea. I think a certain level of worry is always present in life, but we have to choose to live above it and to trust in something better. Thanks for sharing!

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  9. I love that you wrote this! I couldn't agree with you more for every reason (and then some). I am terrified about having my own children for a lot of the same reasons, and I am so thankful there's another blogger out there who has these same fears. I also feel like people tell me, "Well, you'll just get over those fears because you HAVE to." And that has always upset me because it's completely okay to have these fears, and to not want to have a child altogether. It seems like you're still set on having a baby one day; whereas I feel like I'm ruling it out completely with my fears. Thank you for writing this post! I truly loved being able to relate to it, and I'm sure many other people do, too!

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    1. I'm so glad you were able to read this post and resonate with it, Kiara! You are so right, people may be trying to help you feel better, but they may not know your heart in things. If you don't want to have a child, that's perfectly okay, and something you'll be the only one who gets to decide. I'm so thankful you took something away from this post! Thanks for reading and for sharing some of your heart!

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  10. I feel you!! There is nothing wrong with waiting until you and Aaron are ready- and it shows you are taking this seriously which is huge! Its more than just "having a baby" you know? You're bringing another human being into the world that needs to be loved, raised, and discipled! Huge stuff that requires a lot of time and preparation. It means so much to see your heart in this and thank you for sharing it. You truly ministered to me! I see a lot of my friends having kids and it sometimes feels like I'm behind.. But I can identify with a lot of your thoughts above. Thank you for sharing girl.

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    1. Thank you so much, sweet friend! You are spot on- this is a big deal- not a decision to be taken lightly. I am so grateful that you've read this, resonated, and then shared your heart- it truly means so very much. I so appreciate the encouragement. We aren't behind, it's all in the Lord's timing :) Love you!

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  11. I could address every one of the fears you wrote, but I will just say that I love Alexis so incredibly much, yet I'm glad we waited as long as we did--she was born a week after our 5th wedding anniversary. I loved the alone time we had together, and I wouldn't change that for anything--but once we were ready and found out she was coming, she couldn't be born fast enough. I wouldn't delay her arrival by another year or even 6 months, even if I could go back in time and enjoy a free European vacation with just Mitch and me. We took a baby moon in March, when I was 6 months pregnant--that was just a weekend but it was sooo good to have that one last time with just us before Mitch left for Colorado and we moved and Alexis was born. I definitely recommend a short simple getaway when that time comes for you!

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    1. Oh Anna, these words are just what my heart needed. I think you guys had just the perfect amount of time together, and I think that we too will be oh so ready for parenthood once the pregnancy time comes. I love your point that you wouldn't change it or delay her arrival at all. Thanks again for sharing your wisdom and your heart, both here and on the Facebook post. Miss you, friend!

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  12. I'm all for breaking out of that Don't Talk About Fertility/Pregnancy/Miscarriage box, so I'm SO happy you wrote this post. You're right, having a baby does change things, but sometimes I think people let it change more than is necessary. Traveling, for instance. I booked cross-country plane tickets the day after I got home from the hospital after having our second baby and we hopped on a plane 2 weeks later: me, J, our not-quite two-year-old, and the infant. You definitely have to approach things differently when you have kids, but for the most part they're really go-with-the-flow and will be up for a ton of adventure.

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    1. THIS comment, my dear friend, was one that I really, really needed to read. Aaron and I have been going back and forth about how much life changes, but also about maybe how it didn't have to change quite as much as people let it (especially when it comes to travel and alone time). This is so very encouraging to me. I love your heart and your spirit of adventure, WITH kiddos! Thanks again for all of your support and encouragement. So excited for your new little one to come along!!

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  13. I don't have kids but I knd of do cause I am a teacher and my students are my 'kids'. My biggest fear is that of having the responsibilty of raising a child and not messing the kid up!

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    1. We have so many "kids", don't all of us teachers? So fun! I agree- I'm totally worried about that sometimes. I know I'll make mistakes, but I trust that God is ultimately in control!

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  14. I agree with all of these, especially fear of childbirth and the lifestyle change! You'll know when the time is right to make that change for your family.

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    1. Thanks so much, Rachel. I trust that we will, especially with a lot of prayer and communication with each other. I'm thankful to have my hubby totally in this with me. Thanks again for reading!

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  15. each and every one of your reasons are totally valid. It's a huge decision that only you and your husband can make. But even after you have a baby, there is always someone asking you when you're having another one...it never stops! I'm glad my husband and I waited 3 years before we started trying to have a baby. Your life does change completely and your marriage too, but it's totally worth it.

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    1. Ha! I didn't even think about that. You're right! It doesn't end. Thanks for sharing the assurance that it's totally worth it. This is something I need a reminder of sometimes, especially in this pre-trying "worry" phase. Thanks again!

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  16. I think this is a great perspective and completely valid! Enjoy your time as a young married couple! I have two children (and being a Mom is really wonderful) but that time you have when it's just you and your husband is precious too. I have no doubt you'll know when you're ready. :)

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    1. Thank you very much, Christina! I think we will know as well. Thanks for commenting!

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  17. I so appreciate your heart behind this post, Kelsie. I think it's incredibly wise that you're considering all of these things as you plan for your family and think about when you might be ready. It's not a decision to take lightly! All the things you mentioned are definitely the hardest parts of the life shift that comes with a baby, and you're giving them the weight they deserve. It sounds like you're really savoring your "single" years with your husband -- good for you!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Brittany! I had hoped so much that post like this didn't make you or any new moms feel targeted in anyway. That was never my intention. I am thankful for your comment and the wisdom that you and all other moms can share in a real way as you deal with the life transitions. We are definitely savoring and enjoying this time, as we know we won't have it again. At the same time, we look ahead to the future with excitement and anticipation (in the midst of my worries). Thanks for your encouragement!

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  18. It's like you read my mind. We've been married for almost 5 years and get this question all the time. I could probably have a list of 1,000 fears. But you're so right about all of them! Thank you for being so open about this!

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    1. Ha! I'm sure I could have more if I tried to think about it. I have found that being open about this has led a lot of women to open up about their situations, which is all that I could have hoped. Thanks such much for stopping by, and I'm so grateful that this post resonated with you!

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  19. I can relate to most of the things you shared. I'm 27 and we've decided we don't want kids. It's just not for us - so I do wish people would stop asking ;)

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    1. Ha! I'm sure that would make things a whole lot easier, huh? People are just eager to share their advice and encouragement, so their over-eager questioning means well, but can put us all in weird positions. I hope and pray that those around you will understand your desire and perspective and support you in that. There's totally nothing wrong with deciding kids aren't for you, and there are still so many ways you can make an impact on the world and those around you :) Thanks for sharing some of your heart!

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    2. Absolutely! I actually really love kids, we've just decided that having our own isn't the right choice for multiple reasons. I'm a children's librarian so I work with kids on a daily basis, hopefully making an impact on their lives :)

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  20. These are all valid fears to have. I know I was really scared to have a baby too. We actually weren't trying when I got pregnant with my first, so I was pretty scared throughout the pregnancy too. However, once you see that little face, all the fears will be worth it. Then, you have a ton of other stuff to be afraid of ;)

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    1. I think that will definitely be the goal at the end of everything, and it will make it all worth it in the end. You're so right, you can always find things to be afraid of, but that doesn't mean they aren't worth doing still! Thanks for sharing!

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  21. I'm currently pregnant with number 2. I have had 1 miscarriage and 1 beautiful boy. Now we are working on a girl!! Having fears is completely valid. Its also important to know that being ready to have kids doesn't mean you have overcome the fears. When I found out I was pregnant I was working full time and working a professional dancer for sports teams. I definitely had concerns about my body and having the time to dance and workout after baby. But I ended up getting back in shape and having even more opportunities in the time between my pregnancies. Things will definitely change, but not always for the worse and you definitely don't have to give up things that are important to you. You make it work. I have been know to take my son to dance rehearsals and he has a ball, lol.

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    1. This is so helpful and encouraging for me, Emily! I think sometimes I have to feel a sense of overcoming in a lot of these areas, but if I did that I would never have a baby! Your words are exactly what I needed to hear. I think I need a reminder that I don't have to "Give up" everything, things will just look different, but it will work. Thanks again!

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  22. I so needed to read this today! I have actually thought about posting something very similar and have been too afraid. All I had ever wanted to be when I was growing up was someones mother. Now with life and "adulthood" and all that comes with it, that dream has shifted some. I fear the shift just as much as I fear having children, because I worry that it isn't fear at all that's keeping us from trying to start a family right now and instead just a shift in what I want now that I am old enough to better understand myself. Thank you for putting your vulnerability out there. You are definitely not alone and it is nice to know there are others with the same fears as myself. I am finally at a place where I have peace with where we are for now and peace knowing that we may change things up at some point, because I know that either way life has a funny way of working itself out. So, for now we are staying baby free and seeing where the road takes up from here. Thank you again!

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    1. Gosh, that is so the truth, Melanie! It is amazing to see the "shift" in our hearts that can happen over time- in all areas of life. I am so grateful that my vulnerability led you to even post this comment: indeed an example of your own vulnerability and honesty. So thanks for sharing that! I am glad you are finding peace in this, and I think that you can totally rest easy in knowing that this decision is yours alone and that other's ideas don't have to change that for you. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  23. How incredibly brave of you to post this! I have many of the same fears, but am starting to feel that I'm ready for this next step in our lives. Hopefully, I'll be able to raise my kids to put more good into the world.

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    1. Thanks so much, Nicole! It's amazing how much better I feel about all of these things just by talking about them. How exciting that you feel ready for the next step! It's exciting to think about bringing amazing human brings into this world :)

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  24. I loved this! We've been married almost 6 years and still are unsure if/when we want kids. I like our lives how they are right now and we've dealt with some tough stuff that I can't imagine going through if there was a tiny person to take care of too. And for all of the people I know with kids - their marriages turn into business transactions. They seem to only talk about the logistics of who's talking who where and what needs to be done next. It scares me.

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    1. Thanks, Christine! I'm glad you guys have enjoyed your time together, and I can definitely see how some tough things would be even tougher with a little one. I do know some people with marriages like you mention, but I also know some who have wonderful marriages and truly love each other and fight for time together because it's worth it, even with kids! It's scary for sure, and there are people in all situations and scenarios! Thanks so much for posting and sharing your heart!

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  25. For me, having faith in God means choosing to say no to the fears that pop up. I refuse to live a life dictated by fears, because Christ didn't die so that I would have to live in fear. The world and life IS scary with how many things can go wrong--especially thinking about tiny babies--but in Christ alone I will place my trust.
    And as we approach the infamous "1 year" infertility deadline, I find that even that is not so scary, because of Christ. And it's not so hard to answer the questions about when we will have kids, because I answer them with faith, "Whenever God gives us one!"
    I pray three things for my as-yet unconceived baby every day "Give them a healthy body, from the top of their head to the soles of their feet, give them a sound mind, give them a heart that seeks wholly after you." That's how I combat any fears for my baby's safety--with prayers of faith. So yeah, it can be a scary thing--but it's also an opportunity to face life with the grace and faith that we've been given, and I welcome that opportunity.

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    1. Yes! I so needed this comment. Thank you for sharing your heart and your wisdom. I am right there with you- Christ didn't die for us to live in fear. It is so comforting to always turn back to the Lord, as he is the only one truly in control anyways! I'm glad that you don't feel fear, even in the midst of infertility. I will definitely be praying for you all and for the process, your hearts, and your hope. I love what you pray for your baby. So beautiful! You are so right- what an opportunity to face life with grace and faith! Thanks again!

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  26. Kelsie, I think you can see from the comments above most woman will understands, or have been or experienced one of the fears you mentioned. For the hubby and I, we waited 7 years before trying, and I'll be honest, it was a, if we do, we do, if we don't, we don't.
    So yes, I would personally think all of the things you mentioned above would something to hold me for a few years....

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    1. Thanks so much for reading and posting, Amanda! It does make me feel better to see that these fears aren't unheard of, and don't even have to be "conquered" for me to be ready. We are definitely enjoying our sweet time together right now, which it sounds like you all did as well :)

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  27. Your feelings and fears are valid. I felt the same way. Children do alter things but they also transform things in such a positive way. Trust me it's more positive and negative and there is ways to negotiate the parental path and still have time for you, friends and family. Your maturity and self-awareness suggest that when your reading you will make a wonderful parent - lucky child. Thanks for being honest.

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    1. Thank you for your words of reassurance. I can see how it would be such a positive, joyful experience. I think we could make it work to still have time for each other and for ourselves. Gosh, your words almost make me cry. Thank you so much for your kindness- I hope I can be a wonderful parent some day :)

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  28. This is exactly what I've been trying to put into words in my head the last couple weeks. I'm getting married in June, and we have no plans to have children for a few years, but I have been thinking about the day that we do, and it scares the heck out of me for all of these reasons. Thank you, for being so brave and honest in sharing this. I needed to read it. <3

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    1. Amen to that, sister! It is scary, but I think part of that is because it's just such a big change- and one that we don't know what it will be like until we are there. Thanks for your kind words- I'm so glad that this post resonated with you and that it was timely :) I pray blessings on your upcoming marriage- that's so so fun! Don't worry about kiddos for a while, and just enjoy being newlyweds without a care in the world! I truly believe that we will all know when we are ready!

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  29. Well I have one child and many of those things still worry me. That child is now an adult with her own child. It is a scary road at times but one that you will love

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    1. That's such a great point. There is always an element of fear to be had, but we can't let it control us. That's one way I'm handling these fears and tackling them, by sharing. Thanks for reading!

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  30. These are all very valid and honest reasons. I will give you a small story of myself; I am 25, mom to two little boys. I was 20 & 23 when I had them. Yes they are life changing! Beautifully life changing. Hard times come and go. But the one thing I can say is if you wait for the "perfect" time it will never be the perfect time. We have a large age gap in my marriage, so we went into it "if The Lord wants it to happen-it will"; and it did haha. Prayer, and his timing always works. Oh!!!! And don't worry about your body/labor/delivery- the l& d part is fine because you are so ready to meet t he little one . I have suffered fr eating disorders since I was about 14, and I actually love my mom bod because it created my little miracles. Very beautifully written and so honest!!! Love.

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    1. I have heard that a lot DeAnna: that there is no "perfect time". And that does make me feel better, and less like I have to have a definitive moment where I wake up and announce that this is the time. You are so right- prayer and his timing are what really matters anyway! I think you're right- I may just love my "mom bod" because it will help bring babies into this world..and meeting them will be worth anything labor and delivery could bring. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and for your sweet words of encouragement. I can tell you are an amazing momma!

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  31. 1,2, 3 and 7 are all me. I am scared to have to give up all of my freedom to take care of a tiny human. I am only engaged currently but man, people are already asking when I want kids and it just freaks me out.

    xoxo, Jenny

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    1. Amen to that! I'm sorry people are already pestering you when you're just engaged ha. It is important to talk together about whether or not you guys want kids, but there is not set "time" that you or any other couple just "has" to be ready. Only you, the hubby, and the Lord can make that decision. Thanks for reading!

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  32. I am the mother of 3 year old triplets. I will tell you I had many of the same fears. I did have fertility problems and got pregnant though IVF. Motherhood is the hardest and the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Good luck to you when you do decide to start a family.

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    1. Triplets! How fun is that. We've always said that we would kind of love twins. I can see how being a mom would be incredibly hard and incredibly worth it. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so excited you were able to conceive and that it was worth it.

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  33. Your vulnerability is so beautiful. I can't tell you how much I appreciated your picture at the end (with the text about motherhood being put in a box). Could you possibly do a post about what it's like to be a non-mother (societal pressures, not feeling "feminine" enough)? Not sure if that at all relates to you, but as a single girl, I would definitely be interested in reading about it!

    In any case, I really appreciate your honesty in this post and you have a new follower from me! :)

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    1. Aww, thanks so much, Nina! I actually almost deleted that part because I was unsure of it's clarify and effectiveness. So thanks for saying that! I could maybe do something along those lines: what society expects of me as a 26 year old woman. I'll have to think a bit on it. May become interesting. Thanks for the idea and suggestion. Being honest in this post was so freeing- I am so grateful that you enjoyed it and am thrilled to have you along :) Thanks again, Nina!

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  34. I love this!! You bring up so many of the fears that I too have. My husband and I plan to start trying for a baby this fall. We're both more than ready and so very excited, but of course I'm worried. I have this huge fear that I'm going find out I can't conceive and I'm afraid of childbirth and whether or not I'll be a good mother. And of course I'm a bit worried about the change in lifestyle too. We love being able to get up and go somewhere without a real plan. It'll be an adjustment and I know I'll always be a bit afraid of it, but at the same time, I cannot wait :)

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    1. First of all, your name is gorgeous Keating! That's so very exciting that you guys are thinking fall! It's awesome to be on the same page and ready for that step. It's easy to have fears at the same time- I'm right with you! You hit the nail on the head: so excited but also a little scary. Praying for your big step! Thanks for reading!

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  35. I don't have much to say: You took the words right out of my mouth. I share these same concerns (and so does my husband except for the baby delivery part, haha). But I'm also ambivalent about it because I see motherhood work so well for my some of friends, so I feel like wanting to have my own baby because of them. Then I remember these concerns and say, "Nope. No way." Thanks for writing this.

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    1. Oh, yay! I've had a few people tell me that, which is so cool because it means we are not alone in these fears at all!! I'm glad that you resonated with the post and that it was meaningful for you. Thanks for reading!

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  36. I can' TOTALLY relate to EVERYTHING you have to say in this post. I actually have a post coming up this month about why I'm not ready for kids, and we share a lot of the same reasons. People ask us all the time why we're waiting, and these reasons are so spot on for me. It means the world to know I'm not alone.

    All the Best,
    Allison | www.LiveLifeWellBlog.com

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    1. That is so amazing, Allison! I agree with you: it means so very much to not feel alone in this! I'm excited to check out your post. There are lot of folks who are waiting, and it's totally okay! Thanks again for reading.

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  37. Definitely valid reasons--especially labor and lifestyle change! I'm only an aunt right now, and I love it that way--but it is fun to think about how we used to be kids and any humans we create will be just as awesome!

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    1. You are so right! It's cool to think about kids coming into this world and growing up into amazing humans who have their own kids :) I wish I was an aunt! My hubby and I are both the oldest, so we don't have any nieces or nephews yet. We will bring the first grandkids on both sides into the world.

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  38. Having a child is such a huge decision, I'd say hang on until you are 100% ready. Your life changes forever, it both good and bad way. The good thing is you'll never regret having children though.

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    1. Thank you for this wisdom. I think, hope, and pray that I'll know when I'm at that point. I know I won't regret it, once we do decide to start and try.

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  39. I think I agree with you on some fears like labor/delivery, fertility issues, body changes. However the rest, I wouldn't say that I necessarily "fear" them I just am making a conscious choice that those aren't for me right now. Definitely will happen someday but I am choosing to enjoy my twenties and I am making it a priority to live my life as much as possible without the strain of having a child. I also want to be prepared for when I have a child...and that's not now!

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    1. That's a great perspective, Alanna! I think a huge part of making big life decisions is deciding when certain things are right for us at certain stages. I'm glad you're enjoying so much of your twenties- that's where I'm at too in year 26. I hope you live it up! Thanks for reading!

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  40. I've thought about all of these reasons for not being ready - I feel like when we do get to the point of being ready, you know about these things but you don't care, or you say experiencing the fear is worth it. If you're not there yet, no worries!

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    1. Yes, I think that is exactly right! I think that it will be worth it, more than worth it. I'm excited to reach that point sometime, and I hope I really know it when I'm there. Thanks for these words.

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  41. You have plenty of time and you will know
    When/if it's right for you. We had not planned to have bio kids and then ended up with 2. So now- our original plan of foster-adopt is on hold while we raise these 2 a little more. And honestly- maybe that's a road God is leading you down and he's preparing you by not giving you the desire to grow a baby in your tummy (I also had body image struggles and being pregnant was very uncomfortable/scary for me- the weight does come off... With a lot of work and you have to accept you'll look a bit different!). Way to go with sharing your fears. Oh! And one kid really didn't slow us down. She went wherever we did and slept like a champ anywhere we took her!

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    1. So much goodness in this post!! For of all, thanks for sharing that one kid didn't really slow you down. I think that makes me feel better. Thanks for the encouragement for sharing my fears. I think it sounds like you were right where God wanted you to be, and I know we will be the same. I know the weight will come off, and perhaps will be a motivator to be even more in shape!

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  42. I LOVE this post. I completely identify to it. I feel pretty lucky that we got pregnant while not necessarily expecting it 3 months after we got married, so I didn't really have the chance to stress too much about all of it. It just was. Though I did feel like the SECOND we got married people were asking about babies. I was actually convinced I would have trouble getting pregnant, since I'd always had a really really weird cycle, but low and behold, we're on unexpected baby number 2 hahaha

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    1. Thanks so much, Morgan!! It is kind of nice to think that you didn't really have a choice and didn't have to stress about it. Congrats on baby number too, that's amazing! I'm really hoping that I'll get pregnant pretty easily when the time comes. We will see!

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  43. You're right, so much changes with pregnancy! I'm about to have my first little one (any day now!) and it hasn't all been easy by any means. For me, it's more than worth it. The changes to my body, the concerns for our baby, all of it. But the decision for you is between God, you, and your husband. Don't let anyone else try to make such a personal and important decision for you. Thank you for your transparency here!

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    1. Aww, congrats! That's so exciting (And so worth it!). Pretty cool to see how the fears just fade away as you think of having a little one. We are excited to make this personal, life-changing decision together when the time comes. Thanks for reading and for your sweet words of encouragement!

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  44. #4 is a great reason that no one ever talks about. I struggled with an eating disorder for most of college and even though I'm better and like you said really happy with my body, that reason always makes me want to put-off having kids. Thanks for your honesty!

    Greta | www.gretahollar.com

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    1. Agreed! Thanks so much for reading, Greta! We are definitely not alone.

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  45. Praying for God to give you confidence and peace as you move forward. Praying he will give you a desire for children that outweighs any fears. Blessings!

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    1. That means the world to me. Thank you so very much!! I pray these things as well.

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  46. Beautiful words! It's okay to be scared and it's okay to wait! I am so glad I did for my own personal reasons. To others who have babies young, good for them too. It definitely changes things but it is different and wonderful. Also- my kids havent changed our travels. My 18 month old just finished his 36 &37th flights. Thats not even considering the roadtrips, boats, etc. :)

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    1. Thank you!! You are so right- whenever people are ready is great for them, but it's okay if people want to wait as well. I love your point about traveling- thanks for sharing that! It makes me feel way, way better. My kiddos just need to plan on being well traveled :)

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  47. As someone who shared many of these exact fears, I prayed constantly. My husband and I are avid travelers and love our marriage and our carefree life and our church. We waited, and it took us 3 years and a loss to be blessed with the baby I now carry. God changed my heart, took a lot of my fears away, and even though some remain, He is bigger, this baby is a miracle and I pray you get your peace when its time for you guys to have a little :)

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    1. Oh Mandi, thanks so much for sharing your heart and your story. I am working on praying constantly about this, as good works in my heart, my mind, and through these fears. I know God will change my heart and I'll just know. You are carrying a miracle- how incredible is that!! What a great testament to the Lord's goodness and to your all's faith during times of struggle. So exciting for you!! Thanks so much for stopping by and for sharing your heart and your words!

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  48. How did you know?!? These are my fears as well! It's nice to know I'm not the only one, since everyone around me doesn't seem to have these fears and thinks I'm nuts!

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    1. Ha! I've been hearing that from a lot more people than you may think, Cori! I agree though, people around us seem to have baby fever and it almost feels like I'm weird or that I'm a bad person because I'm not 100% ready right now. Thanks for reading- we are definitely not alone!

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  49. Trust me when I say, these fears truly never go away. I'm still scared about how our marriage will change and of labor and delivery...and I'm due with our second bio baby in 3 weeks! Adding children is a rough and huge thing for a couple to do. We've had 9 now in (and some out) of our home and every time it's a new adventure!

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    1. That is what I've heard from a lot of folks! That's so exciting that you're on your second biological baby (And made props to you for having 9 in your home!) That's amazing!

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  50. Hey sweet girl!

    Your fears are so real and so common! We'll celebrate our first anniversary in May and we had one miscarriage last July and I'm now halfway through pregnancy with our second. Even though we've seen the dynamics of our marriages change and adjust through these seasons, God has used them to bring us closer together! Don't let the world tell you children make you and your husband grow farther apart-- being a team as parents can make you grow closer together. Marriage will always take work-- and sacrifice is a beautiful thing as a spouse and as a parent! Sometimes I think our world focuses too much on our well-being (freedom, comfort, choices, etc.) when we were created to follow Christ-- which means laying down our lives for others and taking up crosses. :) So much JOY in that, though!

    I think it's important to bring our desires (or lack of desire) for children to prayer, because ultimately God should be the author of life and we want to be open to His plan for us. Because of this, my husband and I choose to not use artificial contraception (and we're Catholic) and it's been a beautiful, exciting, and sometimes scary ride being open to life. :) We do use natural family planning, which works well and will likely use it to avoid pregnancy for awhile post partum while still praying God's will each month. :)

    "Perfect love casts out fear." -1 John 4:18 (learning this every day!)

    Blessings!!

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    1. Laura! You're so very sweet! Thank you so much for this amazing comment. I find it so encouraging, and really appreciate you sharing your story! Congrats on baby number two on the way- what a blessing from God! I love what you say about being stronger together in marriage as parents- I really do see that happening with my husband and I someday. I know we will love that new chapter of our marriage... once we get there :) I agree that our world is definitely focusing too much on our well-being.

      I am praying daily about this, and appreciate your prayers as well. Thanks for posting!

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  51. I could not agree with this more - WOW it hits home. I'm not getting married until September, but I'm already thinking about it...like holy crap I'm not ready to be a mom. All of these fears run so true.

    Coming Up Roses

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    1. Erica! Thanks so much for your honesty in that. I think that we all experience different seasons of readiness. I remember thinking I would've been pretty devastated if I'd gotten pregnant right away. I just didn't feel ready... and I'm still not quite there three years later. And that's totally okay. Take your time and enjoy each phase :)

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  52. These are all such accurate fears! I've had several myself, but then one day.. out of nowhere.. I WANTED a baby so badly. Now that I have one, who is 9 months old, I don't even remember what life was like before then. I feel like I'm right where I need to be and even though I've lost the freedom to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I feel like I've gained so much more! Plus.. when days are rough I always remind myself that I won't be like this forever, so it helps me to cherish every little moment. :)

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    1. I totally think this is how I'll be! I think I'll just wake up one day and kind of know. I'm so glad you feel content and happy where you at, and that it's been more than worth it. I'm also so glad you're cherishing it all. That's my hope for each phase of our lives, as we only get to do them once!

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  53. One of my fears is that I'll be crazy from hormones after. Mostly I'm just afraid to be responsible for a child for 18 years. But I think we'll eventually take the plunge anyway... just not now.

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    1. That's a valid concern and well, and a reality for many women. I'm with you though- we will do it (Lord willing), just not quite yet!

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  54. Having a baby is a gigantic decision for sure, and I can tell that you've thought this through a lot, which is exactly what people should do before they make the leap into parenthood. As the parent of a 2.5 year old, I definitely don't have it all figured out yet, but I can share two things with you:
    1) there's so perfect time to have a kid. Ever. No matter how long you wait, there will always be something else standing in your way.
    2) Travel with little kids (even very small ones) is completely doable! I've been traveling with my daughter since she wa 6 months old, so she thinks that crazy road trips and new hotels are the norm. We've taken her to Europe, last mibite tips and 10 hour drives, and she's a champ at all of them. If you start kids off traveling, there's no transition period, and they'll go along with whatever you throw their way. If you'd prefer to stay home with an infant, that's totally okay, too, but know the whole "baby=no fun" thing is only as much of a road block as you let it be. :)

    Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you! My husband and I often say that we should've waited to have our daughter since we still had so many student loans at the time, but everything worked out. Good luck with your decision!!

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    1. I LOVE this. More and more folks have shared point one. And I agree- if we wait to plan a kid around a trip or a loan or anything, they won't happen. Also, point two? It makes my heart happy. I am so glad to hear people reassuring me that we can totally travel with kiddos. That's so great that your daughter is such a champ. We will just have to start ours young some day :)

      Thanks again for sharing, Natalie! I love and appreciate your heart and your story!

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  55. This post is literally saying all of the things that I've been feeling, but have been to scared and embarrassed to even write in my journal-much less put it on the internet. Thank you for being so brave and so honest. I feel as though waiting to have kids has some kind of selfish stigma, but it shouldn't be that way! Everything happens in God's timing, and although right now I don't know when I (& my husband) will be ready to try for babies, I know that when that day comes God will lay it on our hearts and the fears won't be there anymore. I feel like it will be that way for you!

    xoxo, SS

    The Southern Stylista

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    1. Well that means so much, Jordan! Thank you for that. You are right- it comes off as so selfish. My reality is that if I ended up getting pregnant, it would be fine. It would be God's plan and I would jump whole-heartedly into Momma hood. But for now, I'm not quite feeling ready right now. I think you're so right- I think the fears will go way (at least enough for me to say I'm ready). Thanks for sharing your words, girl!

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  56. All valid points. It is terrifying and hard and it won't change. But as you said that's ok :) Two kids later and I am still adjusting lol!

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    1. Ha. Thanks Hil! I appreciate your honesty in that. Life is always an adjustment, right?

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  57. Wow! Such a great post! Thank you for being so honest!

    We just welcomed our first son this past December, just before our 2 year anniversary. I can totally resonate with all of your fears, but especially the first 4. What really amazed me is how God blessed and prepared me and my husband to welcome our son - the power and peace that comes through faith and prayer is amazing!

    I also struggled with body image in high school and college, and while some of those insecurities resurfaced during my pregnancy and post parturition, I discovered a whole new love for my body and really loved being pregnant! (I would really recommend being upfront with your doc and thinking about meets with a nutritionist someday though - that really helped me!) and while our marriage relationship has changed, there is nothing more precious and amazing than watching my husband embrace fatherhood!! Labor is hard, no doubt about it - but your body was built for it and it is all worth it!

    And I'm writing this from a hotel room - at 10 weeks we've alteAdy taken our son on 2 trips :) it's all about your mindset!

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    1. Julianne! Beautiful picture :) Thanks so much for sharing your story and your heart in this space! That is so exciting that you've got a 10 week old (and even more exciting to me that he's a traveling machine). I think that's a mindset I will definitely take. I also love what you say about your body and loving being pregnant. The nutritionist is a great idea for sure.

      Also, I already cry when I think about my husband becoming a daddy. He's so ready, and he'll be great at it! Thanks again for sharing :)

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  58. Thank you so much for sharing this post! I'm 26 and my husband and I have been married for 5 years. We get asked constantly when we're going to have kids, and recently a lot of our friends have started expanding their families. (And sometimes seeing them and the new struggles they're going through is yet another source of fear.) My husband and I just aren't there yet (or maybe even, we don't know) for many of the same reasons you've mentioned here. It's so wonderful to read that others have these concerns as well and don't try to give pat answers. I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability.

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    1. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Grace! I can totally see what you are feeling and where you're coming from. Thanks for your words of encouragement, and for stopping by. I pray you'll find peace in this area :)

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  59. This post is pretty amazing because a lot of those fears are EXACTLY what women feel but don't talk about. When we decided to have children we addressed all of these fears indirectly and knew it was 'time.' We were grateful that things worked out in our favor and we were able to get pregnant easily, but infertility problems are real and trying for baby 2 with us was not as easy as people may think.

    Great post!

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    1. Amen to that! That's so great that you guys addressed these fears and felt ready. I think we are moving towards that for sure. Congrats on baby number two, and thanks for reading!

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  60. I found your post through Friday favorites. I have these same fears right now, headed into my 3rd wedding anniversary. I'm in my early 30s so I'm getting to the point where it's now or never... It's just so scary. Thank you for writing this post, I now know I'm not the only one!

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    1. So glad you found your way over, Angelina! I can see where that would be really hard in your boat, now or never. Praying for you- you aren't alone, and I do find comfort in knowing that the nine months of pregnancy can help us feel prepared for motherhood some day :) Thanks for sharing your heart!

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  61. This is huge Kelsey. But I think you would do just fine. Fears are shadows but we make them real when we start to believe them. No Fears, Galfriend! You too can do it...
    With Much love from Nigeria.
    God bless

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    1. Thanks so much for your love and encouragement from Nigeria! That means more than you know :) You are so right, I have to think positively about these and tackle them head on. Just trying to decide the right time for that. Thanks again for reading and posting!

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  62. We didn't rush it. I was so glad we didn't. We were 29. BUT today we have two grandson ages 1 and 2 and we are 65 and the kids waited so we are old and loving those boys, but I do have regrets we may not see them grow up. Most of our friends and sisters have great grandchildren and we will never live that long for sure. So plan wisely.

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    1. That's a great point for sure! My mom has reminded me that she's not getting any younger :) Thanks for sharing!

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  63. Love your honesty here. I was a mom fairly young and had so many of these same concerns. My two sons are both adults now and I've learned to trust God more than I could have ever expected through motherhood.

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    1. I'm sure I will continue to learn to lean on the Lord in new ways more and more, Laura. Thanks for sharing!

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  64. Hi Kelsie. Thanks so much for this post. I couldn't agree more with the fears you've listed, as I'm experiencing most of them too now. It's been a year now that my husband and I have been married, and just the other day he told me he is ready to start trying to have a baby. It definitely took me by surprise because I thought we would be waiting until at least the Fall, as he graduates in October with his masters in Nursing education and he's mentioned in the past he wanted to be close to finishing his degree before a baby came into the picture. I supported that decision and even though I have thought I've been "ready" since the day I said "I do" now I'm having reservations about the whole idea because of all these fears, especially (lifestyle change, sleep deprivation, stress on marraige, traveling, labor&delivery) - just to name a few! Ha! I've always known I've wanted to be a mom since I was young! Now I'm 27, married to the best husband I could possibly ask for, we have a house and are financially stable with a good chunk of money saved and now I'm terrified to start trying! I know you're not a mom yet either, but this post definitely put some things into perspective for me. Maybe you can shine some light on the situation, I guess I should say I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid my fears are holding me back from what could be the best life changing moment ever. I'm afraid I will never be ready because I'm constantly dwelling on all of these fears. Also, any moms out there with any advice? I really appreciate it, and thanks again Kelsie for sharing your story. I really needed this today.
    -Sarah

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    1. Sorry that I didn't reply to this sooner- we were out and traveling for the last week! It seems like you are "ready" as much as you can be...but maybe some of these things I mentioned are what you're scared by? Are you scared for the changed? I think what I've come to realize more and more as I read through all these comments and continued to think and pray about it is this: If I wait to be totally "Ready" and to not have any fears at all...then I may never have a baby. If I decide I'm "ready enough" to give it a go, then I'll still have some time probably before I get pregnant, as well as an entire pregnancy to get used to the idea. Unless you and your hubby just don't feel led to have biological kiddos (which is totally fine and cool!). Let me ask you this- do you see yourself being a momma? Do you see yourself hanging out and playing with kids in the next couple of years. If yes, then a fear of these fears may come true, but a few of them will fade away. And I think that all of them will be worth it. I'm so thankful that this story resonated with you, and I'm happy to talk more about this if you'd like. Email me at currentlykelsie@gmail.com if you need anything! Hope you're doing well and know that I'm praying for you!!

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  65. I can' TOTALLY relate to EVERYTHING you have to say in this post. I actually have a post coming up this month about why I'm not ready for kids, and we share a lot of the same reasons. People ask us all the time why we're waiting, and these reasons are so spot on for me. It means the world to know I'm not alone.

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    1. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. You're not alone at all!!

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  66. WHat an honest, vulnerable, amazing post! I can identify with all of these!! I know I want to be a mom one day but for now, as a (6months) newlywed, I want to enjoy time with my husband just us two, especially since we dated long-distance. One extra fear I would tack on here is that I am a big introvert and sometimes I wonder how that will play out with being available to my child at almost all times of the day. I feel like I would be emotionally drained so easily! And, a kinda comical but also real fear: what if my future child is an extrovert?! What if he wants to talk all day and go to parties all the time? lol, I am sure I will figure it out if that day comes, but for now, I like that I can openly talk through these fears with my hubby and be on the same page that we want to wait to have children for a little while.

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    1. Thanks so much, Elle! I agree- enjoy some time together setting a good foundation!!

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  67. I don't have children yet either and part of the reason is infertility issues. You're right some women sneeze and get pregnant but it's not going to be the case for me it seems. Another big one for me is travel freedom. I want to travel the world and see everything and there's a lot of restrictions to that when you have kids. Maybe one day when I'm ready it will happen. Great list and post :)

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    1. Thanks so much, friend! Praying for your fertility issues to go away when the time is right and you're ready!

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  68. I can totally relate to most of your points but as a mum to a wonderful 14 year old, I can tell you that things do change and whilst sometimes it's a struggle. The joy that comes with it is wonderful. Things change not stop. You just find new ways to do the things you love. xx

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    1. Thanks for the kind words, Wendy! I think that's a great outlook- finding new ways!

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  69. As a mom of two, I can tell you that all of these are legit (except for #3 - there are pain management tools and trust me, you're only focused on getting the baby out, nothing else; not pooping not tearing, nothing else). You lose all your free time and dates are almost impossible to come by. Forget sleeping in, ever. All the things that used to be the most important in your life switch over to the baby, and while most of that is good, some of it isn't. You feel lost for a while, not really feeling like a mom but not at all like your former self. The first few months are the hardest and then every month it just gets a little bit more easy and you start to accept your new life.

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    1. Haha, well that's good to know!! I think that these are realistic changes, and that they are things I'm preparing myself for by writing this post :) Thanks for the heads up!

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  70. As a mom of (almost) three, I can surely validate your list of fears. Motherhood IS scary, don't let anyone try to tell you that it isn't. And it doesn't really get less scary either, you just get used to the paranoia. lol. But I almost think that your well calculated list proves that you are more ready than you think. ;) It's the people who don't recognize these challenges that aren't prepared yet. But there is no shame in waiting until you are ready. It really is the adventure of a lifetime. :)

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    1. Thank you so much for that, Amanda! I agree, that making this list really has helped me and made me more aware of the things I may be more ready for than I think. I'm excited for the adventure!

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  71. These are all very real, very valid fears! They're totally normal, and honestly, you're not wrong. You DO make sacrifices and give things up for a time period when your babies are young, like mine are now. But I also know that it's so temporary, and before long they won't need me and I'll miss the time when they were so sweet and tiny. I also think you get to a point where the desire to have a baby far outweighs all these other concerns. For me, it was like a light switch turning on. Through infertility with both kids, running a business with two babies at home, and all the sleepless nights, I still wouldn't change any of it. <3

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    1. That's a great point, that these are temporary and that it becomes more worth it than the worry of the changes. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  72. This post truly touched me. It's so raw and honest. People like to romanticize getting pregnant + having babies and don't get me wrong, I think it's the utmost beautiful thing!!! But it's refreshing to hear that other people get scared too, because it can feel isolating sometimes! Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us.

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    1. Aww, thanks so much, Luna! I think that it's true- we feel so isolated when we're nervous sometimes! Thanks for sharing your heart :)

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  73. I think people who are NOT afraid of having a baby are crazy! It does change your whole lifestyle and your marriage, and while most of the changes are awesome, not all of them are. It's the best thing in the world being a mom, but I'm also so glad I took the time to enjoy the first few years of my marriage with my husband so that we had a really strong foundation before turning everything upside down. Do what's right for you and your husband, when it's right. And try not to worry about the health/fertility stuff too much, there's nothing you can do to control it so let it go as best you can :o)

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    1. Amen to ALL of that! I've loved having time the last three years just me and my hubby- I think that strong foundation is oh so important. Thanks for the encouragement1

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  74. I can not tell you enough of how much this speaks to me! Pretty much all of my friends that are my age have kids. I am not married at this time but my boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. The whole marriage and baby question come up all the time. I will admit it's kind of annoying at times. I am one that feels that if I am to have a baby I need to be married (nothing against those who have a child and aren't married). For me having a child means giving up so much of my freedom. I enjoy being able to go and do what I want when I want to. I guess maybe that is a little selfish of me but it's okay! Also having to gain weight for a baby freaks me out. I know that if I do become pregnant in the future I will struggle with the weight gain a lot. I do not want to gain weight. And of course bringing up a child in this world today...I'm not sure if I want to because it truly is crazy at times. So these are all valid points that I can relate to so much! I've even considered writing a post about it. Thank You for being so honest!

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    1. I'm so glad you related to it, Mistie! Yes, that is the million dollar question, isn't it?? I can see where that would be a big change, and it's a crazy world out there. Thanks for reading and for your kind words!!

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  75. I really struggled with a lot of these before getting pregnant with our son but, ultimately, my desire to be a mom outweighed my fears. Someday I know that if it's right for you, your desire will outweigh your fears too! There's nothing wrong with enjoying married life for a while before having kids! <3

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  76. I can relate to almost every single one of these! Thank you for sharing your heart and know that you aren't alone! Loss of freedom, added difficulties in travel, changes in my body and in our marriage... all of these are fears that I face too when thinking about having a baby one day.

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  77. I can relate to this SO MUCH. It was amazing to read this and your birth story side-by-side. I know that one day, I'll be a mom and will look back on all of my fears (lifestyle/travel, body image, pregnancy/labor/hospitals, marital strain) and realize that they were all so naive and insignificant in the face of motherhood. But it's important to talk about!

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  78. Randomly crossed this post. If baby has come already, congratulations, if not yet, good luck and Godspeed :p

    I spent a whole year of marriage working through each of the same fears (plus 1: that my husband would love the baby more than me) and only by speaking them out loud could I put them aside enough to feel ready. I am not surprised that you felt ready four months after the post. For you and others, you are not alone having these feelings and you are not wrong, strange, selfish, or un-motherly. I struggled with those feelings too, because I thought something must be wrong with me that I wasn't baby crazy. Really appreciated your post.

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