Monday, June 12, 2017

A Moment With A Thankful Twenty-Something: Learning That Marriage Is The Greatest Thing That You’ll Ever Do

Today's Moments Guest Post is from the lovely Kayla. Her words really demonstrate how important it is to model a good marriage for our children, which is especially important to me these days. I'm so excited to be sharing her ideas on the blog today. Check them out! 

Many think, in life, your children will be the greatest thing that you ever "do". They will be your legacy. They'll be the ones to live on when you're long gone. But in reality? Your marriage is probably the greatest thing that you'll ever do. When it comes to marriage, being happy is occasionally a dilemma. It is something that takes work, dedication, and a good attitude to learn that marriage is the greatest thing that you’ll ever do. Once things get bad, and a lot of mistakes are made, then often it can be difficult to clean up the mess. If you take steps to better your relationship before it becomes a mess, the issue of a happy marriage becomes a lot more attainable.

A Happy Marriage

Creating a happy marriage includes an understanding between two people that have an agreement and respect for one another to make a happy life and family together. A majority of arguments in relationships are disagreements on when and how to discipline children or how to utilize your money. Remember, your spouse is your partner, so you should both have an equal say so. Develop a plan together and follow through with it. Never do anything that will upset your partner. Take your agreement seriously, and they will appreciate you for it. Once you come to an agreement, you will also find that there is more trust, which is always a huge defining thing in a marriage. If you work together on a happy marriage, a happy family will follow. If you can do this as a couple and set an example for your children, they will learn by example. Learning by example will hopefully lead them to healthy communication with you and surrounding people.

Learning by Example

When you live with somebody and you have decided to share your life with somebody, you find things about that person that you didn't know before. As much as we like to believe that we are always right, we aren't. Finding a common way of communicating without losing control of the conversation is probably the hardest part. You want to avoid hurting feelings without holding back. This is simple; all you have to do is make an agreement that you will let each other have a chance to speak. Don't speak at all until your spouse is done speaking. It sounds harder than it is. Remember, never shout: it almost always escalates into something that could have been solved speaking in your regular voices. When people say things they regret, it is always hard to face that person because you know that you hurt them. Imagine doing this to someone you love so much. A common mistake couples make is telling their partner to leave in an argument. Almost nobody means this when they say it, so it's interesting that these are the choice of words we use in such an uncomfortable situation. When one person leaves in an argument, what ends up happening? The conversation is not over, and you will have to pick up where you left off, on an argument that was never finished. This can be ongoing and very painful, but easily avoided.

Little Mirrors

Your family should be the most important thing in your life, and you should treat it that way. Your children should never feel neglected, and they should never have to feel like you put your job or friends first. Your children are also mirrors of yourselves; they represent either good or bad parenting. Believe me; people know when they see a child that is a result of bad parenting. Kids are great, but having a great marriage is a great example as kids learn by example they are so easily influenced by the things you say or do, positive or negative. When you argue you should never argue around or in front of your children. A lot of mistakes parents make arguing in front of teenagers. They justify it by thinking the children are old enough to be exposed to that kind of behavior. This can affect their schooling or social life, and it is not healthy at all. You should dedicate one night a week where you spend time together. Not only will this start a family tradition your children will remember and pass on to their kids, but it also keeps your family connected.

The Glue

Lastly, it is important that before you and your spouse solve your problems together, you have to fix your individual problems first. After all, how can you fix your problem with your significant other if you have personal issues you haven't solve first? People expect that once they get married these issues can solve themselves. With this thinking, it can lead to divorce. It is important that you fix your personal issues first so that you won't take it on your spouse. Hiring a marriage counselor is a very important. This person can help you fix your marriage and can help your solve your issues with your spouse. Do not hesitate to hire one so that it can help you solve your problems and that person can even give your some tips on how to make your marriage stronger.

The Moral of the Story

When you and your spouse are happily married, your kids can see that and can be happy as well. If you're in your marriage 100%, not only will you benefit from it, but so will your children. Marriage is the greatest thing that you will ever do, not because you've found the love of your life, but because your family will also benefit from the love and respect that you share for each other. This is what my parents showed me when I was a kid. To be honest, I have a whole new respect for them. I am newly married and learning how to model my relationship after the one that shaped me. Their relationship wasn't perfect, but the constantly worked on it when it came to the tough times, I know that for a fact because they are still together. This whole marriage thing is tough. I never realized how tough it would be when I started this journey. My parents always told me that it would be the greatest journey that I ever took, but I never believed them until I was the one in the action. So here I sit, thankful for all the lessons and examples given to me. I was once the mirror and soon I will have little mirrors of my own. Thank you, mom and dad for showing me what a happy marriage looks like. To my hubby, this journey is wild but I am thankful to be here with you.
Source: Tagna Bilden Photography
Kayla is a content write for OurStart at the Income Store, located in a small town in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. When not working, you will often find her trying new foods, cuddling on the couch with there pup, or on adventures with her husband. Thanks for sharing, Kayla!

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  1. I'm not married, but I look forward to the day I am!

  2. I always say that getting married to my husband was THE best decision I've ever made and I've never been happier :) Key word: decision. I think so many people rush into marriage for various reasons just to realize a few months/years after the ceremony that they have made a mistake. Then, they just think of an "easy" way-out - divorce. It's terrible. Marriage is the best & it's a sacred bond. {Ecclesiastes 4:12}
    xox Nadia

    1. I love this!! It's definitely a decision: each and every day! Thanks for stopping by!

  3. I absolutely agree that getting married is the best decision I've ever made. However, I have to disagree with you on your point about leaving an argument before it's been resolved. There have been many times when my husband and I have been discussing something and we have to take a break to collect our thoughts or even just get some sleep. When we come back to finish our conversation, we are better able to resolve it in a way we are both happy with.

    1. That's a great point, Shani! I really agree with a lot of Kayla's words too, but can see where there have been times that we need to sleep on an argument! Every couple needs to handle it differently sometimes, and you definitely want to find resolution in whatever way it works :) Thanks for reading!


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