Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Wow. Today's "moment" is inspirational, hard, and encouraging- all at the same time. My friend Liz, from Western New Yorker is sharing her heart in a big way, as she tells her journey of abuse, motherhood, and the constant choice to "be the bigger person" who refused to give up on her dreams. Here is her story about the will to succeed and the refusal to let anything break her. Thanks for sharing, Liz!

I have always been the bigger person. It has not always been the easy road, but it is the road I take. Even as a child I felt this way. My childhood consisted of my father molesting me. I do not say that for dramatic effect but rather to hit home this next sentence: “It did not break me”. He did not break me. During this time children my age dreamed of becoming a Rockstar or Singer, I wanted to become a Mom. This drove me to be something more. It willed me to get through that in my life.

Above all things, I wanted to have the family that I desperately lacked as a child. As I write that, my son is off in the distance, sounding me back to reality. He wants my attention for a creation he has made. I give it to him. Yes, I wanted this, a walking part of me. What a privilege it is to call him mine. I am not saying he is a piece of real estate or property but that it is a privilege I take seriously.

I knew I always wanted to be a Mom, as I said. As I grew older, I learned of my family’s history for Cancer and that my body was against me. I tried IVF. I had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. I did not let that break me. When it came time to throw in the towel, I was facing another trial or a hysterectomy. My relationship was over; I would be doing this as a single mother now.

I just want to stop here and say the loss of a child is unbearable. Whatever you believe if those “situations” were cells or babies is not important so much as to me they were real. I loved them. I was excited over them and I lost them, each one.

I could tell you all the trials I had with my son while I carried him but I will keep it to just one. I was five months along and he was ready. Less than one pound, my son, was ready to come out. I was mercy flighted to Children’s Hospital. They located me in a room, near other soon to be mothers. They screamed and bellowed of how they never wanted kids. I prayed, I cried, I pleaded for him to stay in. Unlike them I wanted to be a mother.

Some would say I am stubborn. Now, normally I would fight this statement with gusto! But, I suppose that just reiterates that I am in fact, AT TIMES, stubborn. Luckily, for me my son has inherited that trait and we made it one day before his due date (one of life’s victories).

On my three week checkup I was told I was thrown out of remission and I would start radiation. This broke me! For the first time in my life someone else depended on me. And I wasn’t going to be there to grow up with him. I had in my eyes, already let him down. How could I be so selfish?

That was but one rock in the path that leads us to today. I have had two clean bills of health and my bundle of joy now can run circles around me at age six. As I watch him play, I leave you with these encouraging words:

Do not let, whatever ails you, beat you. Being the bigger person is not the easy road but it is the road you should take. I promise you that, my stories, are proof life is NOT absolute. It is ever changing and we are every growing. If I had given into my past, my nightmares, my fears this family I have now would not be here. Some say we dream things into life and that my friend is what I feel I have done. As cheesy as that sounds! I did not let it break me and neither should you.

Liz Cleland is a roaming blogger who calls Western New York her home. She blogs on life, food, and adventures over at Western New York. You can follow along with her on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

If you liked this Moments Guest Post, check out the others here. Have a story that you'd like to share on Currently, Kelsie? Contact me here with your idea!

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Kelsie