Monday, August 21, 2017

I Carried You

As you rest here in my arms, the soft movement of your breath making your entire body rise and fall, I am overwhelmed with love. Every night as you fall asleep within the security of my grasp, I can't quite believe you are mine to love. And though you won't remember it, I always will. After all, I carried you.


Through nine months of pregnancy, through the morning sickness, the desperately-needed first trimester naps, through the growing and the stretching and the change- I carried you. It was an amazing time of anticipation, of worry, and of joy for all that was to come. And through it all, I carried you inside me, your tiny body growing from the size of a mustard seed to a watermelon. I carried you.

Through labor pains, hours in the bathtub and on the couch, through my fears of needles and the unknown, through the ultrasounds and all of the check ups- I carried you. And once you were here, though I could barely pull my body out of the hospital bed and though I could barely keep my eyes open, holding you was perfect. The scent of your new soft skin, your beautiful eyes, your perfect fingers and toes. Joyfully, I carried you around our home, showing you all of the places where you'd make wonderful memories that fill my heart with delight.


Through those first hard six weeks full of sleepless nights and wondering what I'd gotten myself into, through the first baths and the new routines and the simple joys of having a baby- I carried you. To doctor's appointments and relatives' arms and to meet co-workers and your church family and more, you were in my arms for it all. My heart recognized the desire to love you and protect you with all that I have. To hold you just to hold you and to know that a piece of my heart was no longer with me but with you, always.

And even now, after months of having you in our lives, I still carry you. Your sweet eyes close for naps and for evening sleep, and I carry you up the stairs, slowly and carefully. There is nothing like watching you rest peacefully, not a care in the world that can steal your serenity. And me, trying to stop time and remember you as you are, sixteen pounds of sweetness and curiosity- the best thing I've ever done. Our greatest adventure. You won't remember, but I carried you.


But some day, things won't be so simple. You'll have struggles and heartache and hard things to overcome. I wish with all of my heart that I could carry your burdens for you. That I could shelter your storms and make it all better with one soft kiss on the top of your head. But I can't. I am unable to be everything you'll ever need, and though I hope you'll let me carry you for several years more, I will never be able to carry the things that will weigh you down in this world. There is only one person who can do that, and I hope that you will trust and love Him with all that you have. He, and He alone, can rescue and save and walk with you through the darkness that will seem to surround you. He will carry you.

And so, my sweet baby, just as I have carried you through pregnancy, birth, and the sweet dreams that greet you every evening, it is my prayer that one day you will look back through the storms of your life and see that, through it all, you were carried by the Lord. That you would never feel alone or overwhelmed because there is someone who knows every hair on your head and every desire of your heart. That you would be not only mine, but His. That he would carry you.

Love,
Mommy


3 comments:

  1. This is so beautifully written, Kelsie! Your baby is so precious!

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  2. This is absolutely beautiful, Kelsie! I love this universal image of mothers as carriers and how it points back to our loving God.

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  3. Kelsie, this is beautifully-written and so heartfelt. What a universal prayer for all mothers.

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