Wednesday, July 1, 2015

The Garage: An Unexpected Lesson

In his spare time, my awesome hubby works on cars. We aren't talking like tinkers just for fun, here. We're talking- he worked at Goodyear and Firestone and is a licensed mechanic. This is a huge plus when trying to keep cars running forever. I mean, cars are a big BIG hit on the budget, am I right? It seems like there is always something going wrong with them, and fixing them can be expensive with a capital E. But I digress.


 Aaron's car work is a huge blessing, not only to help keep our cars running without breaking the bank, but also to help others. Aaron is honest, while many shops are not, and he is able to save people lots and lots of money, and bless them with his talents. Shameless plug, if you're looking for car work in KC, he's your man!

While all of these things are a blessing to many, including myself, it caused a decent amount of tension for a while in our marriage. I had to learn to give Aaron up for hours at a time on nights or weekends so that he could work on cars. I was never jealous, or mad at him, it just felt like I was losing time I could be spending with him. I found myself sitting on the couch alone at night while he slaved away in the garage, fixing cars for hours. I'll admit it, I wasn't always super happy about it. Selfish, I know.  But Aaron takes his role as a provider very seriously, and he works hard to take on car work as his second "job" to help supplement our income. And, most importantly, he enjoys doing it.


It wasn't until I was meeting with a mentor of mine that I realized the obvious solution to this problem. One of Aaron's love languages is quality time. He loves spending time with me, no matter what it is that we're doing. To me, spending time in the garage with Aaron wouldn't make sense- there was so much I could be doing inside while he was working. Things like laundry, schoolwork, and more took precedence for me. After all, I know pretty much nothing about cars. But to Aaron, having me with him in the garage while he worked on cars would mean the world. Even just my silent presence there. He'd mentioned before in passing that he'd like for me to come be with him, but I responded as stated above- so many other things to be doing with my time. Wifey fail.  


After coming to this realization, I decided to make a change and see how Aaron responded. We have several folding yard chairs that people gave us as wedding gifts, so I pulled one out of its bag, brushed off the leaves, and set up the chair in the garage. With a stack of papers in my hand, and a drink in the cup holder, I settled in for a few hours, just to sit and be with Aaron (even if I was working on a few things). For me, "quality time" often means being together, making eye contact, and having pretty uninterrupted time filled with conversation. But for Aaron, I've realized it simply means one thing: being together. That's not to say that we don't have moments where we sit and talk with no distractions, we definitely do. But that doesn't have to happen for Aaron to feel like we're spending valuable time together. This is just one way we're different. No one's views are right or wrong. Just different.

Later that night, as I was cleaning up the dinner dishes, Aaron told he he was really glad I'd spent some time out in the garage with him, and that he loved having my company. Success! A few days later, when Aaron invited me to go to Lowe's with him, I remembered my new perspective. I knocked away my initial thoughts, clouded by all the other things that I could get done in the time it would take to walk around a store and look at things that weren't really my scene. And I went. And it made Aaron so happy, because we were together. 


It's funny that our garage would teach me a little life lesson, and a helpful one for our marriage. Not only should I not be jealous of Aaron's time (which I'm not, so please friends, keep the cars coming!), but I also need to say yes to spending time with him, even if it's not doing something that I love. Because it means a lot to him. And I need to say yes and go instead of worrying about my "to-do list". The laundry will get done. The blog posts will happen. The trip itineraries will work out (or, heaven forbid, we will be spontaneous). What seems like a waste of time to me may mean the world to my husband. And so, I'm making changes. I don't compete with the cars or the garage, that's where I get to hang out with my hubby and keep him company while he helps our friends.

13 comments:

  1. Love this! Like you said, we definitely share this struggle. For Jordan, it's huge that I show up to races, even if he only sees me for a few minutes before the race and then as we head home. Marriage is such a learning process, but it sure is fun! :)

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    1. Agreed, Lauren! I'm learning more about myself, and how to love my husband, every day. Hope you are doing well! Thanks for reading!

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  2. Kelsie, this is perfect! I remember reading something like this in "Love and Respect" before my husband and I got married last year. I have definitely seen it work in our marriage, but I was in need of a reminder :). Here's to many more garage, Lowe's, or patio nights!

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    1. Thanks so much, Julie! I love that book- we did a study on it that was super helpful right around our 1st anniversary. I think these are always a helpful reminder for us! Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your kind words!

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  3. Kelsie, this is such great insight...and it's inspiring! Together...even if "doing" different things has DEFINITE benefits. <3

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    1. Thanks so much, Cheryl! You're right- we can still be doing different things, but the together part is so important. If I knew more about cars, I'd be jumping in. But since I don't, I'm working on starting him a website and doing the organizational appointment side of things :) I think he's excited about that. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  4. Aww I LOVE this!!! A little bit of compromise and give is definitely the way to keep a marriage strong and healthy. I LOVE the way you thought outside the box and went with your boy whilst he was doing his work.

    I'll bet he was SO happy to have the company!! :) Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

    Caro | www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

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    1. Thank you Caro! I'm learning more and more about what true compromise looks like, even when my first instinct is to be selfish or jealous of time. Thanks for the encouragement, and for Twinkly Tuesday- I love linking up!

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  5. This is awesome! Yes to me I am happy being in the same room even if we are doing two different things, that being said uninterrupted time together is also extremely important! I love this post, great perspective! Thanks for joining the Link-It To Me Link Party, I hope you will party with us again this week!

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    1. Thanks, Chantal! I agree, both are so very important. My hubby also likes uninterrupted time to "date me", but I am learning just how much the "being in the same room time" means to him too. Thanks for hosting the party- I love to link up :)

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  6. What a great story! You're so right, and I love that you talk about "love languages" - they really are different for other people, and to be in a relationship you need to be bilingual. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks so much, Naomi! I agree- they are so different. I have had to learn and accept that and not try to thrust my own love language onto my hubby! It's a learning process for sure. Thanks for reading!

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  7. Hi Kelsie. What a great reminder for all us married girls. My husband takes his job seriously too. I'm so thankful, but those long hours can be tuff on a marriage. I used to think quality time meant a night out to dinner, but just being together is important. I love to sit next to him and work on something creative while he works. Great post! Visiting from #IntentionalTuesday

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